Competition is a part of us, apart of our world for both female and male. Now, this could be chalked up to it being a genetically wired human protocol to conserve familial safety and patriarchy, which we briefly reviewed in my previous rant. Okay, so come present-day, let’s consider how heavily populated the planet currently is, consider how often couples separate or how overly common blended families are now compared to olden times where marriage was a practically a requirement and the option of divorce was wildly shunned. Consider also how societies have shifted their concerns from safety and vitality to needing the latest Samsung or Apple product and hey! I’m not hating. Humans are constantly evolving and it’s wonderful but sometimes certain mentalities don’t seem to evolve as well. Let’s be clear; this isn’t about placing blame or forcing other females to necessarily accept responsibility for this. Let me also be clear on competition; yes, it can be healthy however it is not a necessary trait within our work / personal / whatever-have-you lives - a point proven by Alfie Kohn, researcher and author of No Contest: The Case Against Competition. In this eye-opening read, Kohn debunks the deeply seeded myth that competition is just another part of human nature and proving how competition is indeed a learned behavior - we do not come out of the womb ready to defeat others and bask in their defeat. “All of us enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from being particularly good at something…” Kohn carefully shines a light on the distinction from healthy competition to unhealthy competition or as he terms it “Mutually exclusive goal attainment” - the concept that my success equals your failure - here is where the problem truly lies. “The desire to be better than others feels quite different from this desire to do well.” One of my go to favorite writers, Leora Tanenbaum, author of Catfight, who also discusses Kohn’s research and writings, but more to my point Tanenbaum exposes the bigger dilemma here: “No matter how much some of us might happen to despise competition, our culture celebrates it everywhere, from the schoolyard to the sports field to the partnership track at work.” We all live in a system that favors our competition, favors raising some to the top by stomping on those below. Let’s forget ‘the system’ for now though. Right now, the reality is that this is about awareness. This is about YOU. This is also about the all other women, men, and children in the world who don’t feel like they have any power because someone told them they had none and they believed it. Sure, one shouldn’t let others determine who they are but then again…. if you can’t say anything nice, why say anything at all? Ladies - and even gentlemen, Stop comparing yourself to others and to others’ notions and ideas of beauty. It’s okay to drop the fake filters and celebrate your authentic self. Do me a favor and try out an exercise for a week or two; speak positively to others. Compliment someone’s style, appearance, or personality - no negativity, no gossiping, no comparisons. After some time, take care to consider YOU - your style, looks and/or personality. Not just friends and family, but strangers. I don’t know about you but I always have a great day when someone compliments something about me or my style. After a little time, you’ll notice that tiny voice who irks you to compare yourself to others or to obsesses over negative thoughts and past comments; that voice will have less and less meaning, leaving you empowered. As I said before, this is about YOU! On a personal note - this small aspect changed my whole weight loss experience. It wasn’t until I fully comprehended this did I see any real and permanent changes in my weight because it was no longer about the number or about others - it was about ME. This is such a simple action that can be passed along. Amazingly, positivity can be an act as a virus and it all starts with you and with me. Choose to stop comparing. Choose to speak positively. By embracing a positive world where we can celebrate others: men and women, straight or gay, green or purple, we are creating a loving, safe space for ourselves.
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